Rubber bands hold energy loads. They can be used to support weight, or they can be stretched to wrap around something and hold it in place. A rubber band's ability to handle these loads depends on a number of factors:
- Its thickness
- Its length
- The stretchiness of the rubber
- Its age
- How many times its been used to hold loads
These factors, among others, determines how well the rubber band works. Add more rubber bands to the task and more stress can be supported.
Our mental resiliency is much like rubber bands. Our ability to handle stress in our lives depends on:
- How much stress is already on us
- How many stress management processes we have in place and how strong they are
- How forceful the 'punch' of stress being placed on us is
His Holiness The Dalai Lama has talked about how a person can break from a simple experience if he, say, was cut off on the highway on the way to work and he hadn't let it go. Think of that like a rubber band being stretched too much and the added weight broke it. It's the straw that broke the camel's back, to use a different phrase.
Leading through stressful situations
There was a young man I coached that had some issues with anger management. He's reacted multiple times in games over a weekend, even after my interventions. As a coach, I could have come down hard on him and simply punished him for his actions. However, as I thought about the instances, and past incidents, I knew there was something going on outside of basketball that was bringing this behavior on. My goal was to help him become a better man instead of a player that could help win games.
I worked with his parents and told them I was planning on talking with their son about what happened to see if I could learn something. Like in my last post, he was stuck in the muck, and he could have stayed there without some help.
As we talked, I learned about issues he was having that made him feel like he had to be the 'good son'. His stress increased and his resiliency went down until he snapped.
I talked with him about my experiences with depression and how my reduced resiliency caused me to snap at times, causing those around me to change their behavior to protect themselves. Those experiences helped me develop my philosophy of The Four Fundamental Forces of Leadership. It's also served to add several rubber bands to my support structure. I dedicate a lot of time in my book talking about Loving and Serving yourself during stressful times.
I gave the player a rubber band as a symbol to start practicing building his awareness of when his resiliency is strained. I coached him the next season and saw such a transformation. It's now been 4 years since I coached him and we still see one another and tell each other, "I Love You." He will be going off to college and playing football.
We, as coaches or leaders, need to recognize when people behave in ways that aren't 'normal', it's usually because of a variety of factors outside of the immediate situation we see. Rather than punishing or giving up, we have an opportunity to Serve that person, and the team, by being a resource that helps strengthen the rubber bands of resilience.
Never forget that business not not just business, it is PERSONAL. A more resilient employee/player will be a better performer.