I read a very interesting post geared towards youth sports coaches at Changing The Game Project. It focuses on the one question coaches should ask each of their players to allow them to coach them better. As I read it, I wondered about how asking this question would play in the business world.
I wondered if leaders had the guts to open themselves up to potential criticism for a lack of understanding they have about the people they lead to agree to do this.
The main story from this piece centers around a soccer coach and one of his female players. He was frustrated by her varying performance over the last several games and felt he needed to have a heart to heart talk with her about it. He talked for a half an hour about what he thought she needed to do to perform better (sound familiar?). When he realized she was checked out of the conversation, he essentially threw up his hands and said there wasn't anything he could do to help if she wouldn't engage (sound familiar?).
The player said what coach talked about was good but those words wouldn't help her with her problem. This threw the coach back a little bit and then he asked what the issue was. It was nothing he had anticipated and it changed his point of view of the situation. He could help her with her problem, once he had been open to what the issue really was all about.
The coach assumed he knew the issue based on his own perceptions. He was wrong because he didn't ask the right question. We all do this at times. Good leaders practice empathy and try to see the world through others' eyes. They Respect.
One of the best ways to Respect is to ask questions and listen. Get to know people as people. The more you understand their world, the better you can help them and the more comfortable they will be in sharing with you.
So, what is that one question that every leader should ask of their people?
What is the one thing you wish I (your boss/leader) knew about you that would help me Serve you better?
The post gets into answers students gave when their teacher asked that question and they were illuminating and honest.
Opening yourself up in a similar way
As I thought about this for the business world, I wondered about how guarded adults would be with this question compared to children. Adults perceive other implications from answering honestly. If enough trust doesn't exist, leaders may not get a straight answer.
I thought about how the leader can get useful information and build trust by sharing an answer to a similar question before the one above is asked.
What is the one thing about me I wish you knew that would help you understand how I see things and lead?
Opening up with a sensitive issue to you, which gives you your unique perspective on the world, allows your team to empathize with you, see you as more human and willing to be open. You don't need to ask this question of people in favor of offering up this informaton proactively.
I, personally, could talk about how my experience playing basketball up to the college level and coaching the sport allows me to be more focused on growth for each individual and blending skills into a team concept, supporting long-term success. However, that doesn't make me vulnerable enough to really connect me with those I lead. It demonstrates a level of superiority that could turn people off because they don't have it and can't get it the way I did.
I could also say I've gone through stretches of dysthymia - high-functioning, chronic depression - as well as seasonal affect disorder in my life, that can impact my moods, but also has given me the ability to better connect with people and empathize with them and their needs.
19% of people in the workforce have a diagnosed mental disorder in any 12 month period (based on NAMI information). Knowing 1 out of 5 people around you face such challenges and being a part of their solution rather than an additive irritant, can put you on a different level with people in terms of their ability to perform and connect with the organization's mission and vision.
Opening up to this extent sets you in a different light. You are less likely to use information provided in a nefarious way. You'll be seen as earnestly wanting to help, Serve and make them better. You'll express Love to them and for yourself. They'll recognize that you are demonstrating great strength in acknowledging weakness.
Potential results from this path
The long-term implications of you opening up are many. You will have people that are more aligned with you and what you are looking to do. They will be connected with you, and with one another in a way that brings more collaboration. Effectiveness will go up substantially. You can more quickly and easily manage issues that come up with the team because you can work with them together more easily. Employees will want to stay longer because they feel good about their work. Your strategies will become more impactful because the greater collaboration will create more buy-in.
Consider opening up in a way that will help those around you open up so you can serve them better.