Why does it seem that we feel like we are entitled to something we want? We 'worked hard' for something, so I DESERVE it. I pay my insurance premiums, so I DESERVE enough of a payment for my 10 year old car to buy a brand new one. I participate in an event, so I DESERVE a prize/medal/more playing time. I'm the boss so I DESERVE to have my employees do as I say.
I'm not looking to elaborate on the reasons why this occurs; other than it appears our culture has turned quite inward, egocentric and polarized. However, we can look forward to how we can each answer this question:
How can we coach our children, our employees and even ourselves to move from 'I deserve' to 'I serve'?
Here are a few ideas to begin the conversation.
1. Find ways to Serve...and start with yourself.
I'm not talking about doing volunteer work to serve disadvantaged groups (this is obviously a marvelous way to serve). What I'm talking about here is establishing processes and an environment where you are searching for ways you and those around you can maximize their potential, to become successful.
As an executive, I've strived to set up structures to enable the teams I've worked with to be in the cause for one another. That started with making sure the team understood I was there for them and not the other way around. When they saw I acted upon that premise, and consistently looked to have them do the same for the group, our collective might propelled us to great heights.
2. Practice humility and never end your quest to learn and grow.
As I've discussed in a previous post, humility is one of the key traits that successful leaders of tomorrow must have. Showing that you are human and have flaws, being strong enough to admit you don't know it all, brings people closer to you. You are more approachable; people want to be a part of what you have going on.
Also, take honest looks in the mirror when things don't go your way to see how you could have done better (Respect). Most people don't have the time or energy to screw you over (unless you are a real jerk and shun Serving). Whether you think a person or group was right or wrong with a decision is of little consequence; they made it and there were reasons behind it.
This leads into the practice of Loving the practice of learning and growing. One of the most effective ways of getting this done is actively engaging in listening and being fully engaged with people when you are with them (outrospection, expanded upon below). First of all, when you are fully engaged with a person, you are actively learning new things, you demonstrate your humility and you better understand how you can serve. Give 100%, expect 0%. If you do it right, people will look to give you 100% as well because they are happy to, not forced to.
3. Mentor the team towards service and learning.
I had lunch recently with a friend I played basketball with in college that is a successful major college assistant coach. When he was a highly regarded high school coach, he developed a wonderful culture within the program that fits perfectly into that of the school (a private institution).
Part of our conversation delved into children's feelings of entitlement and parents' desires to pave a smooth and easy path for their kids. This practice, in part, has manifested itself in the perception about millenials and Gen Z in the workplace - they work at a company for 6 months, do average work and expect a raise or a promotion.
It's been said that the younger generations will likely have 10 jobs in their careers. That's a lot of opportunity to learn and serve. Get them to buy into the concept that finding ways to Serve supports continued learning and vice versa. Building these habits will accelerate one's path to their goals.
Buy into that concept yourself, too.
4. Become more OUTROSPECTIVE.
I read a marvelous article that talked about empathy and outrospection. I don't claim to be an expert at all on outrospection, but the concept seems plausible and the benefits many. As opposed to introspection, which has its own place, outrospection is the process and practice of seeking to understand life through the eyes of others. Outrospection practices each of the Four Fundamental Forces of Leadership - Love, Respect, Service and Fun. Seeking this understanding builds empathy. This empathy, the article posits, is a cornerstone to human development and a path to our continued evolution."
I can see the benefits of outrospection from a practical standpoint. Lopving a customer at a level to truly learn about their situations and journey can only help us Serve them more effectively. Engaging in understanding the processes our team uses to come to conclusions and to get things done will only help you help them better, but may also allow you to see better ways of doing things.